i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
