Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
