it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
