Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
