i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
