Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
