just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
