Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
