I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
