well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
