I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
