I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
