Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
