This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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