I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
