the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
