I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
