Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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