She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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