Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
