Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
