Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sorry about my life...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
