It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
