Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
