I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
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Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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