I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
