What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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