im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
