So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
