i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
