I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
