mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
