put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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