Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
