I'd wear matching sweaters with you
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
