oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
