what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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