we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
