happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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