I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
