Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
