guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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