they need to just BURY HIM!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
