I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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