I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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