Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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