remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
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I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
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I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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