i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
