everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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