I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
