its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
