we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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