i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
