may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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