So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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