Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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