Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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