like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
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Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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