Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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