He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
