How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
