My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
