It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
