I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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