Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
