I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
How's work?
Spinning.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
