His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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