I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
